The Perils of Online Dating

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I’ve been dead against internet dating all my single years and despite being tech savvy, digitally minded, happy to connect to any random joe for business via the wonderful Twitter, I’ve always disliked internet dating. But I was curious to see what all the fuss was about.

Why? I’m sure you all know someone who has met, fallen in love and getting married via this dating site. I sure do. But I’ve always thought it was a bit, weird. I’ve always thought if you have to go to a dating site and say you’d like to date, you’d already failed at dating. But, in short, that’s b*llocks. It’s a silly way to think, something I’ve always admitted to myself. Dating sites are full of people who want to date, who want to fall in love, so, if you really want to meet, date and fall in love, then it’s the place for you.

Yet, despite knowing and understanding that, I’m still of the mindset it’s dodgy and full of weirdos. It’s something I can’t shake, and while I know many awesome, super guys and gals who have joined up and never looked back, I’ve always maintained it was not for me.

So why the change of heart? Was I being wildly romantic and thinking with crossed fingers, ‘perhaps’; joining the thousands of happy Britons who meet via internet dating, ‘you have to be in it to win it’ and all those other tag lines?

Maybe.

At the end of the day, I had nothing to lose.

So, I carefully made a profile and logged on. There I hit the first hurdle. What would I write about myself? I looked at other people’s profiles and judged it from there. Some people had filled in every detail, some were patchy, some had strict rules on approaching them; “Don’t email me just saying hi”, “if you want a super hero, choose someone else”, “don’t send me pictures of yourself, that’s not the way to get my attention” (< who was that guy ?!)

I figured honesty was the best policy and stated clearly in my ad, ‘not really interested in dating’. Surely that would make sense to people who are too scared to actually talk to people in public? But no, apparently that was a bad move.

The first men to email me, were so way off my type, it made me wonder if I had typed the correct info on myself. I consulted with my friend B who came for Tea. He set about really checking everyone out, and even cheekily messaging a few on my behalf. Which was crazy fun when he was with me, not so much when he’d left and I was left with some strange looking men requesting dates with me. For an hour it was fun but no-one was remotely interesting. I like to talk and be silly, I can’t be serious.

Besides there was no-one I fancied. No-one. Without a doubt, if I was in my early 30’s, I’d have been on track, but not at 39. While woman age and get botox, men age and get bald. It’s not pretty.

I then upped the anti and loaded a very glam picture of me. The result was scary. If I was online, my messages were flashing, my views were skyrocketing, and I was getting winked at left right and centre. Despite having more confidence than a confident person on national confidence day, I am also kinda shy and private. I didn’t want to talk to everyone. And jeez everyone started being so needy, listing reasons why I should date them, despite me telling them they weren’t my type. It became an argument for and against. “You’re far too young”, “you’re far too old”, “you’re not my type”, “you’re, just, no”.

Just because I was on a dating site, it didn’t mean I was desperate/willing to date just anyone. I understood why those guys had rules in their ads.

Without hesitation, I deleted my profile. All in all it had become a huge pressure and I realised one very important thing; I didn’t want to date someone off the internet. I am pretty darn set that the guy I’d end up with wouldn’t be sat on his laptop looking for me.

if you have any reservations about it, then you have to open your mind and go at it with a clear heart. I know plenty stories of people who met via it, ‘you have to be in it to win it’ after all. As with anything in life, you have nothing to lose.

Personally, I still believe my happy ending is offline, I’m sure of that.

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3 Comments

  1. Hey Karlie,

    Interesting post…I met my fiancee online and we’ve never looked back. To be honest though, there were a LOT less weirdos back then (I’d like to think I wasn’t one of them!).

    I had the ‘is it sad or not’ debate with a friend of mine at the time as she was absolutely against it but to be honest, I met quite a few people, some good, some bad (one with a nose so big there was NO WAY it could go beyond a first drink!) and I had a lot of fun and at the time, she was sitting in on Saturday nights. I won!

    For me, it was actually crippling shyness that drove me online. I was fine when I got speaking to someone but back then, I just couldn’t walk up to someone I’d never met and say hi. Thats changed a bit now as well!

    I would imagine you’d have to be pretty specific with your likes and just ignore those who don’t read your profile / fit with your criteria but don’t forget, even if they aren’t a perfect match you shouldn’t dismiss them…they might have some hot friends who are! ;))

    Steve

    1. Hey Steve, you’re so right, I tried to find my voice with this blog because I knew it was a sensitive subject, I have so many friends who use, used and are happy to do so. Friends who have married and are SO happy 🙂
      My ex used to tell people we met online as we chatted first on Twitter, so I’m already an internet dater of sorts. It’s just my experience, I think I’m just still reeling from the dodgy looking old guys who messaged me. It was just creepy.

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