facebook computer

It may seem cute, it may make some LOL, some may do it for peace and quiet and some may have given in to nagging from their children who in turn are being pushed into it by peer pressure, but I cannot help but wonder – Do parents realise the dangers of allowing their underage children to have a Facebook account?

I have two children, aged 12 and 9. My 12 year old asked 2 years ago to have a facebook account. His father and I said no. I must say I was reluctant at first to say no. As I work in Social Media, I know how to instruct him in online safety, I could make sure his privacy settings would be tighter than Fort Knox and I didn’t see any danger in him having an account. But my ex husband said no and I stood by that decision.  2 years later I am really glad I did. Lately I see an alarming amount of friend’s children joining Facebook, some of them as young as 9. At the school gates common conversations among parents are whether or not they allow their child to have a Facebook account.

It’s something I feel strongly about, I don’t view it as an innocent thing, a harmless piece of fun. Far from it, Facebook can be very dangerous to your child, and before you go against the terms and conditions of creating an account, there are some things to consider.

Here are my top 5 reasons why your child shouldn’t have a Facebook account:

1) They’re not allowed to join until they are over 13 – That is the basic rule, by bypassing this you are basically teaching your child to lie. It may seem a bit pedantic, but when did we become so lackadaisical about instilling rules in our children?

2) Without correct online tuition your child is not safe.  – Do you know how to use Facebook’s extensive privacy settings? Facebook constantly updates and changes it’s privacy settings, do you keep up to date? Have you given your child an online security run through? Is their information hidden? Is their profile public or set to friends only? And if you have done all this, what about your child’s friends? Will their friends upload pictures of them and put them on Facebook? Will they tag your child in their status’? Without proper tuition in privacy, anyone could be looking at what your child is saying, their movements, their interests, not to mention downloading their photos. Could someone set up a fake profile? Befriend your child or send them a message? There’s so much to consider here, this should have a blog on it’s own.

3) Online bullying –  There is no regulation in the Message function, unlike most child friendly chat functions such as  those in Club Penguin or Moshi Monsters words are not censored in Facebook. How do you know what they are saying and what is being said to them? A few years ago Facebook was called to put in a panic button, and now has a report to a trusted friend button. It’s important to remember bullying can happen at any age however but with the instant prowess of the internet a simple playground scrap at home time could have escalated by the time they sit in registration the next morning.

4) Everything they innocently do online now is being recorded and captured, and their digital scrap book will be imprinted online forever. While it may seem far away, future employers will be able to search through Facebook, what will they find on your child?  Children have no function to regulate themselves. They are still learning and just as they may like JLS one week and Justin Beiber the next, their world changes at a very fast pace., and while they may forget all this their digital footprint will be very ingrained by the time they leave school.

and

5) which is my biggest concern…

Facebook, while a great social sharing space, a fun place to hang out with friends, the cool kid on the block is a POWERFUL marketing tool. It is a business. Big Business. It’s a place where they want you to grow your friendships so they can learn more about you and build a consumer profile of you, so they can sell to you. They are only interested in your information. By the time your child is 16, Facebook will know them a lot better than you ever will. Facebook, with facial recognition technology, already knows what your child looks like. They know what they did last year, the weekend, where they were, what topics they speak about most with their friends, what they are into, what they hide from you. They will know everything about your child and they won’t forget it either. Facebook, with all this precious information will also probably be able to predict what they will do next.  To Facebook, your child is a valuable statistic.

It’s scary stuff. It’s mainly scary because most adults do not know how to use Facebook correctly, people get sacked from work, marriages break-up, life long friends fall out, bad things happen. With enough bad things happening out there in the big wide world anyway, do we need to expose our children to the online dangers as well? For the record, I personally think 13 is too young and think this age should be raised. If something does go wrong, what will we do, blame facebook? It is our parenting that will let them down in the first place.

As a take away, you may read this and think, ‘it’s not that bad, she’s being dramatic’ but that is why it IS so bad.  Test me. Go on your Facebook, type a status including the word, ‘reggae’ and then check your side ads. It’s a wolf in sheeps clothing,

and finally….My son turns 13 next year. I doubt he will be on Facebook then.


11 responses to “5 reasons your Child should not be on Facebook”

  1. Alex Robertson Avatar

    Must admit that this makes a lot of sense to me. Certainly self censorship seems to be something many adults I’ve seen in my stream seem to struggle with – Kids say things they don’t mean. I’ve had “younger” people post on my wall in the heat of the moment which have only served to make them look naive. Do they want years of that sort of thing hanging over them.

    Weirdly in another way I feel that its not a bad thing for kids to be disconnected from one another online. Otherwise it becomes their “go to” place to speak to friends. No more playing outside etc.

    Finally and possibly most controversially many of the people I went to school with/was friends with were fairly big idiots who ruined their lives before the age of 20 – if I’d been more connected with them might I have been led more astray? Re-connecting now they’re all doing ok and it’s nice to hear they’re getting back on track – but when I left school at 16 did I want them to know what I was up to? No way! Be interested on anyone’s thoughts on that.

    1. karliemacbradshaw Avatar

      Good points Alex, I am in touch with most of my school friends now and I love it, but back in the day after 5 years of being with them, I was happy to escape them for a while

  2. Annie Macfarlane (@anniefiddle) Avatar

    Interesting points here, although I also think there is a very valid counter argument and it’s not an easy yes or no question. I think it’s very much a decision that depends on the maturity of the individual child and the nature of the parent’s relationship with the child.

    By excluding your child from Facebook, you don’t stop friends posting images of them, or identifying those images by name, or forming groups to bully your child. You just make it much harder for you or your child to know that that behaviour is going on.

    Facebook isn’t an optional extra for many young teens – it can be a core channel of communication, and cutting a child off from being part of that comes with its own social problems that the child will need to find ways to deal with.

    Lastly, many parents of young teens are not particularly digitally aware, and while they may put a blanket ban on Facebook, there is nothing to stop their child signing up at a friend’s house, or increasingly, via mobile devices. This leaves them vulnerable, away from the protection and guidance of their parents and less likely to seek help when they need it.

    I am really on the fence on this one, but thought it might be interesting to present another side of the issue.

    1. karliemacbradshaw Avatar

      I do see your point, but I still view it as not a world for a child, peer pressure is tough but if things are explained to children clearly they understand, mine doesn’t feel left out by not having Facebook. If you are clear, children accept things with confidence. We all have mobile phones these days, and as Alex mentions bringing children offline is no bad thing. My experience with teenagers is still to come, (yikes!) and going with what I have seen, communication between parent and child is a vital tool here, so cutting out a way another way they converse with their friends can be no bad thing.

  3. Sarah Milteer (@sxmcwhi) Avatar

    I was letting my 10 year old play games on my facebook account and one of my acquaintances got angry at her boyfriend and spewed all manner of nasties on his wall which prompted my son to ask me what two of those words meant, which resulted in an very awkward conversation. Not “friends” with her anymore (at all) and he’s allowed to play games on a profile I made under one of my dogs. He’s not using it for social activities at all. His school has set up something for that, which I suspect is being monitored and I should probably pay close attention to, especially now I read this article. Thank you!

    1. karliemacbradshaw Avatar

      Ouch that sounds awful! I hope he was okay! As much as the internet is commonplace we still need to be careful of what our children view, it’s ongoing, you sound like you’re doing a great job though 🙂

  4. Kelly Forbes (@Macfack) Avatar

    Interesting that just to hear Facebook mentioned, realistically would these reasons apply to other social networks too? (Like MySpace etc) Would you be happy letting your kids use social networking if you knew it was safe for them? (Like the GLOW network used in Scottish Schools)

    I’d also say the CEOP website has a lot of great advice for any parents who have concerns about their child’s safety online. The FAQ’s there are really useful. http://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/Parents.

    1. karliemacbradshaw Avatar

      Facebook is mentioned because it is on trend at the moment, (I think even the kids know Myspace is on it’s way out) my children won’t be on G+ or twitter. It’s not a world for children, just as I got left outside the pub as a child with a packet of crisps and a lemonade, my children are left out of this adult world. I think the danger with Facebook is that people do not think it’s bad it’s practically a household name. Most people use it as a valuable communication tool, myself included and as a wicked Caveat to this post my job would not exist without Facebook, however proper tuition is vital for anything online. Great link for helpful tips there Kelly, thanks for posting that.

  5. James Mackenzie Avatar

    It’s also worth noting what type of phones your children have. You can get onto Facebook on almost EVERY phone now.

  6. viralNick Avatar

    I agree with you 100% !It is a part of our lives but not such a major part that we would cease to exist with out it.. (although some people think they would).
    Where were we 3 years ago before FB got huge? ..I imagine spending more time with our kids and family than working on farmville.

    By overly “connecting” our kids we eventually become “disconnected”.

  7. Angela Avatar

    From a purely personal point, two of my little cousins, (both girls, both 13), are on Facebook. I don’t like it. I often wonder what their security settings are like on pictures and stuff. The other week one added pictures she had done with her friend on a photo shoot. She looked older than me in it! I’d hate to think they were ‘public’…

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