I don’t have the answer to this, but I know that surely, if it is emotive enough to cause tears to fall, you are writing raw material.

Raw material is good.

Good is good.

Writing is such a self indulgent thing. You are sharing your views on something, a character, a situation, you want every one to read it, you want them all to love it, and the chapter I was writing – I want you to cry. I want you to ball your eyes out.

Have I succeeded? I don’t know. i’m still in process. It’s a tough slog, but really enjoyable. Some one said to me a while back, “you don’t have to write your book you know”, and I was completely bewildered. Didn’t they know me? didn’t they know that was all I was about? Did they have no faith that I would? I don’t think there is a writer among us who hasn’t looked at themselves in the mirror at some point and said ‘who are you kidding?’. (There’s definitely some writers who answer back!) But you press on. you go through all those blocks, those stops, those ego crushing moments, those doubts and fears and you do it. You write regardless of it, in spite of it and because its in your blood.

I can honestly say I have never worked so tirelessly on a book. Sure I have sat up late and wrote into the small hours, crept out of bed to write, got up early, but never on this scale.

The first book I wrote, (and subsequently lost in what can only be called ‘stupidity’). flowed out. Word after word fell onto the page. I think now, on reflection, more as a cathartic experience than ever to be published. As we all know, being in that flow, being in ‘that zone’ with writing is amazing, overwhelming and beautiful. This writing is different, it’s more a habit I have cultivated. It’s something every writer I spoke to said would come, that every book I read predicted and that I always knew, with the right head space, would happen.

And what a feeling.

It’s almost like the first time you ride a bike without stabilizers, You push off,  free wheel for a bit, then you take your feet off the ground. You’re going along, balancing all by yourself, then you put your feet on the pedals and begin to cycle, really cycle. How old are you? 6? 7? 8?

You feel incredible and you are incredible. Look what you are doing! Just look what you have managed all by yourself.

Sure, you’re not the first person to learn how to ride a bike, but this is the first time you have learned how to ride a bike. Incredible feeling.

It’s like that.