How to Survive a Mini-Break – The Morning Troll Face.

Okay Girls, we know by our thirties that Disney have fooled us, in fact we know this by our twenties we’re just too drunk to care. True fact that none of us wake up looking like Snowwhite, all dewy faced and smelling fresh.

You go to bed like this..
You go to bed like this..
..and wake up looking like this!
..and wake up looking like this!

This is no more apparent than when you are on a mini-break and were hitting the shandies the night before. (and by hitting I mean downing as fast as they could be poured while you sang karaoke badly and danced all the way back to the hotel).

If you have been on an ‘adult sleepover’ with each other before your Mini-Break you will be slightly prepared for the state of each other the next morning. This is never so much of a problem with men as it is with women.

The fella manages to look so cute in the morning, you could actually stare at him for ages!! Or at least until he wakes up and asks what you are doing, to which you pretend to be asleep and mumble ‘what?’. You don’t want him to think you are a weirdo, not at this stage anyway. (Best to just take his photo, which you ‘might’ find handy for placing on the pillow next to you when he’s not there, well that’s what a friend told me)

So having had many sleepovers with my female friends over the years, I have decided this is a girl only problem. Men don’t wear mascara they forget (are too drunk) to remove, or wake up with one arm through their dress and one shoe still on, hopefully their own!

We know that we are supposed to get up early to redo our make-up and brush our teeth before tip-toeing carefully back to bed. But really, who among us can remember to set an alarm to do this? And if we can, how do we do this without waking him up?

Do we set our iPhone alarm and sleep with the earphones in so we don’t wake him up? Erm, no. You ‘might’ wake up slightly disorientated, singing Flo Ryder and drawing even more attention to yourself as you fall out of bed and crash land on the floor. You’ll also have earache for hours after. (same friend told me)

Do we carefully remove the old make-up and re-apply fresh make-up before bed? Well, just as we are supposed to drink eight glasses of water a day, the likelihood of us doing this is approximately, and I believe the official term is – ‘zilcho’.

As none of the above will help, my biggest tip for combating morning Troll face is to try and do as MUCH fake stuff to yourself before you go so you look as natural as possible.

This includes –

*Have a really good fake tan before you go on Mini-Break. You will then have a healthy glow when you wake up. While it may be an orange one, it’s still a glow. (Maybe insist on hotels with dark sheets)

* Get your eyelashes tinted, they will be defined in the morning and he will not look at you wondering where your eyes have gone.

* Get waxed properly. stubbly legs, (or worse) is not nice for anyone to rub up against!

* Get a Manicure and Pedicure. Doesn’t really matter but while you’re at the salon you may as well treat yourself.

* getting your makeup tattooed on might be going too far, but is worth investigating.

If all this fails and you fall asleep with one shoe on and your arm through your dress, just snuggle into him for a warm, cosy..

Spoon! This will serve you two fold. One, he will not see you and two, he can not smell your morning breath. result! PLUS! – it may lead to morning forking. (and if you do that right, you’ll both end up looking blurred at the edges!)

But at the end of the day there’s not much we can do about this girls. We just have to be ourselves and i’ll be honest, if this is the guy for you he’ll not care. As long as you don’t constantly mope about in trackie bottoms with scragglely hair, not brushing your teeth, I can say on good authority he’ll be cool with it.

After all, if things go well and you end up staying together, getting married and having kids etc he’s going to watch you push his baby out of your FuFu and you’re not going to look pretty while you’re doing that!

Mini-breaks will separate the men from the boys! 😀 xx

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3 Comments

  1. Hi Karlie,

    Nice post, been there several times but let me give you a guys take on this…

    We (generally) find the morning-after look pretty sexy, the tousled birds nest atop the gorgeous sleepy face with the slight panda eyes can be a huge turn on. I admit the brewers breath not so much but hey, we can’t have everything!

    Why do we like it? Lots of reasons…we remember the (probable) bedroom gymnastics the night before that contributed to you looking like Aunt Sally’s slutty cousin in the morning and that memory alone means we’ll be cool with how you look. Also, somewhere in our sub-concious is the image of a smokey eyed, shaggy haired Kate Moss dressed in just a t-shirt from a mid-nineties CK shoot and this morning you’re our own version. To be honest, some guys are probably just grateful you’re there and will put up with anything but they’ll be the minority!

    One caveat to this though, if you are the kind of strange being that finds it necessary to shave off your eyebrows, only to draw them back in again, stuff padding where it shouldn’t be and generally go from a sexy Charlize Theron-alike the night before to a Susan Boyle-alike the morning after, don’t be surprised if its the guys thats doing the screaming!

    Guys find confidence very sexy and that definitely extends to acknowledging that we know you think look like shit in the morning but we don’t think the same and we want you to chill and come back to bed for some forking (!) NOT scream at the mirror, declaring you’re turning into Zelda from Terrahawks before locking yourself in the bathroom for a hour!

    Most people look like death sidekick first thing, I seem to aquire a hairstyle that the more hirsute one from Kid’n’Play would be proud of but for us guys, theres nothing we can do short of wetting our hair down. At least if you think you look SO terrible theres a lot more you can do about it. We don’t worry about it and neither should you ladies though.

    Relax and enjoy the fact that you have the weekend to explore (and I’m not just talking about the city you’re in!), slightly too orange legs, eyebrow tints and all 😉

  2. Haha Steve! Brilliant reply, Thank you!
    I think all us girls live in hope the guy is lying there thinking, oh doesn’t she look cute and I’d hate to be hanging with someone so fickle that was a point down on the list!!!
    Been lucky so far though! 😀

    1. You’re very welcome and trust me, we probably are thinking how cute you look! However, if you’ve woken up next to someone with the ego and physical standards of Patrick Bateman and you’re not feeling at your most effervescent, you should definitely be thinking about binning him and figuring out of Easyjet have an earlier flight home! 🙂

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