After bursting through the doors of many similar named bars in Leith like I was making a dramatic entrance in a soap opera, (those doors are so light and i’m a full force kinda person, thats all i’m saying). I finally found my girlies seated warm and snug at the table. It was Saturday and we were gathering for a catch up. We ordered Deuchars, (don’t know why vaguely something to do with it not being so potent) and settled down with fish sandwiches to divulge our secrets and boy did they come out. Our chat went from deep and sincere, positive and encouraging to down right bordering on abuse. We all joined in, even our dear male friend was a good sport and joined in the ‘which Sex and The City character are you?’ game. Within true friendship you share, encourage and no matter what is divulged, you are there, treasuring your friends. I am a lucky girl and I don’t take that for granted for a second.
The chat was pretty hot off the press as one of the girls had just left her partner. Just that morning in fact. After high fives all round we got into the real chit chat. I don’t know the guy and it was reiterated that he wasn’t a bad guy, but there were deal breakers within the relationship, things that she could not compromise on. Things that shouldn’t be compromised on. She was giddy and had a reckless but powerful air about her. I was so proud to be there in her company. It got us all talking about true values needs and wants within a relationship and spilled out to life itself. What did we all want and were we kickass enough to change it? After a few glasses of this wonderful drink, yes we were.
My friend was. She said she just couldn’t be in the relationship anymore. Despite the fact it was Christmas, despite the fact they had a longed for holiday booked for two weeks time, despite everything, it was time. I knew exactly what she was talking about, from experience. There does come a point where instead of trying to keep everyone else happy, you choose the one person you are not making happy, You.
It made me wonder, right now, right this moment, how many people are going into the holidays counting down the days until it’s over? Truly wanting it to be over so they can end a relationship? Going through the motions because they just don’t want to upset things. I think it’s a lot more than even you or I could imagine. But why? Why do we do that to ourselves? Do we think it will be easier just because Band Aid are not playing in the background? Perhaps it will who knows? I know that not everyone is capable of making that choice, and maybe won’t make a change for a few years yet. Not everyone will choose themselves, be selfish, or take a chance. Dare.
My friend was brave, she jumped ship. I know from my own experience that there is never a right time to jump ship, if you want out of something and you are not getting out of it, then you are not getting out of it, simple. Unless you are truly brave, something will always hold you back, there will always be Christmas, it happens every year. Just as there will always be a birthday, a meal out or some meaningless occasion that you will use as an excuse.
It’s not even a relationship thing, it counts for any big change you want to make. Setting up a new business for example, which was my contributuion to the chat, as that’s where I am now. Similar to ending something, I’m embarking on changes I’ve hinted at for years now. With everything that has happened around me lately, it’s very much a now or never time and those of you who know me, know I could not choose never. (More talk of Chickens to come soon I promise, stay tuned!) The clock is ticking. You have to take a chance to be a bit reckless because we will never get yesterday back, but we have today and we have tomorrow. I know from my own experience that it will never be easy but without a doubt, it will be worth it. Fo sho Mo fo’s.