It’s here. it’s here, get used to it!
Sorry to all you snow moaners out there but as a girl who grew up in London, and didn’t really get much snow, it’s still a novelty to me, (as are the sheep in the fields and the planes in the sky, I always point them out, ‘oooh look sheep!’ and ‘ooooh look a plane!’)
However. I have compiled a handy little list of tips that will see you through these troubled times.
#1 Do not go out in it unless it’s to play.
#2 Wrap up warm and take a sledge. Do not share with local children, you will not get it back anytime soon and queuing with a bunch of 6-10 years olds to have a go on your own sledge is no fun.
#3 Make at least one snow angel, every day. If you do not real ones get cross. Besides, the big man is watching and you do not want to be on the naughty list do you? Be brave and do this with as many people watching as you can, you will remind them that they should do it too and you may just be the biggest instigator for a mass snow angel fest. Just like the solitary person who claps at a dodgy speech, more will join in, people are like sheep. (‘Oooh look Sheep!)
#4 Make a snowman and use OH’s best scarf and hat. Look surprised and riddled with guilt when it is pointed out. Throw a snowball anyway and engage in healthy ‘relationship boosting’ combat.
#5 It’s a great excuse to drink Hot Chocolate, so drink extra. Make sure you load up those bad boys with marshmallows and cream. People will not be able to tell which extra layer of clothing is you and which is an actual extra layer so roll with it.
#6 Good excuse also to max out the festival wellies, scrap off the mud (and the remnants of the guy from TITP who puked on them just after you snogged, repeat mantra it was nothing to do with you) and wear with pride because lets face it, you probably haven’t been able to do this since you were 7.
#7 Pat yourself on the back for buying all that cat litter in preparation from last year and spread along your driveway. Amaze your neighbours with your foresight and the fact you are the only one who can drive their car out of the street. Do not share with neighbours as this will teach them a valuable lesson in always being prepared. If you give to one, you have to give to all and cat litter is not loaves and fishes.
#8 Wear a hat, if everyone else is looking stupid then you may as well join them, it’s only fair. We’re all in this together but make sure you get your hair appointment booked ready for the thaw as after that, it’s every girl for herself.
#9 Skid your car with the precision of Lewis Hamilton and enjoy the one time you’ll be able to say “Woah, did you see that” without blue lights flashing.
#10 Park somewhere ridiculously stupid, but that you’ve always wanted to park and blame the snow. An added bonus is that while you have run into the shops for what you want, kindly passers-by will have dug your car out and it will be waiting ready for you to just drive off. Have excuse of running in to call your dad ready while hiding John Lewis bags. Feign touching scene of tears blinking at the corners of your eyes while saying thank you. This will encourage them to do it for more people.
#11 Join in the moaning with everyone else while secretly wishing you could put some snow down their neck.
#12 Tell your boss you are completely snowed in, exclaim indignation on the phone while scanning scene selection on your favourite DVD ready to watch as soon as he stops droning on about stock checks.
#13 Build an igloo, best to really, just in case. Watch Pingu for inspiration, he’s a guy in the know.
#14 Pretend it’s Christmas, everyone always says it comes too early and that it’s over too quick, so, enjoy it twice this year!
#15 Marvel at your foresight to stock up on the necessaries and enjoy fine dining every day. Close your curtains so your neighbours cannot see. Smirk at them with their beans on toast while you tuck into beans on toast with Cheese.
#16 Do not internet shop, it does count as real shopping even though you do it in your PJ’s.
#17 Get together with friends and enjoy the time off work, school children cannot have all the fun. Pile into your local Starbucks and pretend you are just like ‘Friends‘, could it BE anymore fun?
#18 Shop locally, better to drain these resources and not walk any further than you have to.
#19 It will snow again so anything you buy now that is solely snow related IS a good investment. Personally, I suggest a snowboard. A bonus here is that next time it snows you will be catapulted to instant fame online when people see you Snowboarding down The Mound and post pictures of you on Twitter and Facebook. Get decent sallopettes though, this is your time to shine!
#20 When it thaws look as happy as everyone else but keep some perfect snowballs stored in your freezer to remind you of the good old days. Will also add an edge to your summer BBQ. Waterfight? Mwahahahahaha!